Confessions | One To Nothin'


This is what laughing at your own stupidity looks like.

In LA I got snippy with a cab driver after drinking too much whiskey and called him "bro" in the least flattering connotation because he thought my drunk texting was me lighting up a cigarette.

Every time I play the game Never Have I Ever, "I've never smoked a cigarette" is my go-to move. Gets 'em every time. (I really haven't, nor will I ever).

Instagram is like social media crack to me. I should maybe wean myself off, but WHAT IF I MISS A BEAUTIFUL PHOTO OF ICE CREAM OR A STARBUCKS CUP? It's too much. I just can't even.

Despite my strong compulsion to have my photo taken in front of all the things, I hate asking randoms to take one for me. Stranger anxiety FTW.

I've been playing around with the idea of writing a novel for quite a while now but I haven't written a single word of it. Pretty sure by the time I actually write it, it will be much like Nick Miller's zombie novel with a no-word word search in the middle of it. Who wants to pre-order a copy?

Every time I work out, I feel so accomplished that I convince myself that it's okay to not do it again for a week (or two). I'm still feeling a little smug about the fact that I went running twice while visiting Florida. That was two weeks ago. I haven't gone running since.

I essentially stopped plucking my eyebrows all together. I did this to make up for the fact that I pull them out with my fingers when I'm bored/stressed/especially greasy. I think the thicker brows are contributing to my chronic baby face.

I can't remember the last time my sausage pup had a bath. I keep thinking about how I should do that but then I don't.

That last statement also applies to my car, inside and out.

I have two unpacked suitcases in the middle of my floor and the thought of unpacking them is just far too overwhelming.

While attempting to board my flight home on Monday, I completely tripped over some dude's carry-on. It was not graceful. Then I almost did it again on someone else's rolly number and laughed uncontrollably by myself for about five minutes.

Linking up here.


  1. too many times have i gotten drunk and been kind of bitchy to a cabby... oh well.

  2. okay for one, im in the same boat as the novel thing. i have like two sentences written out. and a very vague description of an idea. and every time i sit down to try and write i too feel like nick miller!!!!!

  3. oh and there was no for two. so.. i don't know why i said for one..

  4. I would read your Nick Miller novel. I would also be the one to trip on someone's bag. I ran into a wall the other day while sending snap chats. I know what struggle looks and feels like.

  5. i have to unpack as soon as i get home from a trip otherwise that suitcase and everything in there will sit in my closet for months on end!

    thanks for linking up!

    Vodka and Soda

  6. Consider this comment my Pre-order.

    I do the same with my Betta's tank- poor guy didn't have a cleaning for a month and I used to do it once a week.

    Hey "bro" chill, it's just my cell phone!

  7. HAH the Nick Miller zombie novel reference actually had me laughing out loud at my desk. My officemate thanks you for that one ;) Oh and thanks for reminding me I have to give my hedgehog and my car a bath

  8. I'm pretty sure the sand in my car is from three summers ago so I totally understand.

    I need a new never have I ever...all my goes tos I have now done lol

  9. Hahaha... that's how I am with the whole working out thing. I did the Shred like a week and a half ago and I was all "I'm so awesome" and then... nothin... slob city. And I also have a slight Instagram problemo:)

  10. I've never smoked a cigarette either! I definitely don't plan on ever doing it.
    Also, I washed my car today.. only because I haven't in a few months and I can't stand when she is dirty. But I do really need to give my dogs a bath. They kind of stink.

  11. I never thought of using the cigarette thing. Genius!!! I've never done it and have no desire to. Also, I so want to write a novel, but have 0 words written for it. Think it will write itself?

  12. I have never smoked a cigarette either...and never will.

    I gave my dogs a bath this past weekend...first time in almost a month. Oopsy. I can write a song called smelly dog. haha.

  13. I was totally guilty of the ice cream IG this week but can we please outlaw the Starbucks cups? They look the same everywhere. I know they have a pink sleeve now but COME ON! Instagram abuse is real...


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