Christmas 2018 | One To Nothin'

Christmas 2018

This was originally an Instagram caption, but I thought this was a better home for it. 

This Christmas has been equal parts wonderful and heartbreaking. 

I’ve met new family members that I love already, participated in family traditions that I cherish, allowed myself to sit around indulging in sugar, booze, and laziness, and finally got to surround myself with people who knew and loved Mike as much as I did. 

I’ve missed him every day since I found out he passed, but nothing made it feel quite as real as listening to his closest friends reminisce, cry, and sing in his memory. I dreaded the moment when we’d all have to acknowledge that it actually happened and it’s up to us to keep his legacy alive. I hugged his mom and his brothers, I laughed hearing all his crazy stories, and I cried a lot and often. 

The night ended, I nursed my hangover with White Russians, decorated cookies, and managed to feel cheerful for a while. Then on Christmas morning when Santa gifted us all Amazon Echo Dots and I scrolled through the app trying to find fun ways to program it, I saw a message from Mike M. The only message I’ve ever received on my old device from July 2017: 

“MACKENSIEEEE AHHHH! I don't know if this works, but hope you’re having a good day. Bye.” 

When I first got the news a couple months back, I looked through my voicemails hoping I’d find one from him and didn’t. I scrolled way up in our texts hoping to read every message we’d ever sent to each other and they were gone. But here was a voice message, a gift from him on Christmas morning hoping I was having a good day.

I love you, Mike. I hope you had a good Christmas up there, too.

1 comment:

  1. I am so, so sorry for your loss ♥ What a beautiful gift to have received on Christmas morning though. When my father passed away I found myself trying to find messages, voicemails, photos, etc. of him to be able to treasure. I am so glad that message turned up.


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