Jobs are like dudes | One To Nothin'

Jobs are like dudes

One of my favorite bloggers of all time, Sarah, already did a post like this, but let's be honest, it was brilliant. Also, I think I have a few things to add. So go read hers and then bask in my unoriginality. Ready? Okay.

Finding a job is like finding a man for many reasons -- none of which have to do with depending on them for money, just to clarify (girl power!).

In this particular analogy, jobs are relationships and depending on how you left the last one directly relates to how desperate (and likely) you are to start the next one.

Let's say you got dumped and you really, really want to make this loser realize what he's missing, so you head to the bars to find a hotter, more successful rebound to make the ex jealous. So what happens now? Every decent dude in the place has a wedding ring on, the ones that come up to you are missing teeth and smell like B.O., and even the okay-looking ones are already coupled up or just straight up ignoring you.

In a similar situation, you got fired or "laid off" from your job (or maybe moved across the country? Not naming any names..) and you really need an income, stat. You also want your old workplace to regret letting such a talented and useful employee go, so the  bigger name company you find next, the better. You hit up job fairs and network it on Linkedin and you quickly realize that all of the booths are closing up and/or already hired more experienced, better qualified candidates (except for the telemarketing job booths where you'd have the pleasure of selling Snuggies to people over the phone).

You start to get desperate. You've got to make moves. You can't just go home a cry about your heartbreak/unemployment, this is serious time! So you do the only think you can think of: scrolling.

In a panicked-glazed-eyed haze you send winks and applications to any and all dudes/jobs you can find -- even the ones you have nothing in common with.

You hear nothing back.

Feeling discouraged, you go to the nearest RedBox and rent all the romcoms and clean the Walgreen's shelves of all their Skittles and Soy Dream ice cream. You then proceed to hate-eat your feelings and text your friends about what a fat loser you think you are. All the while jumping out of your skin every time you hear that little e-mail/text notification on your phone (IS IT A JOB?! IS IT MY EX??).

It's not.

This could go on for a couple days or weeks depending on the level of self-loathing involved, but eventually you build yourself back up. You know what? I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me! You decide that maybe Skittles are not the answer and start ordering salads and going on runs. You start putting on makeup again and drinking water instead of boxed vino. Before you know it, you're acting like a semi-normal person again and one day you walk into a Starbucks for some caffeine and whatayaknow? A cute guy asks for your number. OR a random person you strike up a convo with mentions they have a job opening for a person with your exact talents.

You do your happy dance, obviously, and you start to feel like things are coming together. You let it sink in. The reassurance washes over you and changes your aura completely. Your confidence is back and not only are you okay, but you're actually stoked. This dude is not just one to make that loser jealous, but he could actually turn into the real thing. And that job? It's no longer about making your last workplace regret its decision, but you could actually enjoy this job.

That's when it happens. You're comfortable and confident, and magic.

You go out for some celebratory drinks with the ladies and before you know it dudes are drawn to you like moths to a porch light. And in the time it took you to recover from your celebratory drinks, you've already had three of those rando job applications/ potentials e-mail you back for interviews/dates.

Maybe it's just me, but I happen to know Liz Lemon agrees and that's all the validation I need, dudes want you more when you're in a relationship and jobs want you more when you think you've actually got it figured out. Maybe it's just the Universe's practical joke -- "HA! You think you know what you want? Well here are three other options just to keep you on your toes. Have fun figuring this one out!"

When it rains, it pours! 

So that's my analogy of the day. If you read to the end, let me know and I'll send you a cookie or something because doggone it, you deserve one!

Illustrations by the talented Casey Allen (thank yoooou).


  1. I loved this posted. I am currently in the process of planning my move across the country, and am looking into jobs in my soon to be new state. It is the hardest thing to stay positive about anything when you're coming up empty every time. Thanks for the pick me up I needed it:)

  2. This. Was. Awesome. And sooo true. All the way to the end when once you get one, you get many. That ALWAYS happens! It's like the universe sess your happy and wants to give you options to see whether you're really happy or think you could be happier. :)

  3. Hilarious. Now my cookie please ;)

    Forwarding this to a gf immediately since I'm sure she'll love it. Boxed vino - hahahaha!!! My vice is litres of ice cream doused in self-loathing.

    Thanks Mackensie!! Hope you're currently doing many happy dances!!


  4. this is glorious. side note: i hope you do enjoy your new job!

  5. Girl, you killed it.


  6. we just need rich boyfriends/husbands/fiances.
    then we can have adventures.


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