Worst blog post ever. | One To Nothin'

Worst blog post ever.

I'm pretty sure no one reads blogs this late at night on a Friday, but I was busy last night and apparently the cool kids don't go out on the town until past my bedtime around these parts, so I'm doing it my way. Here's a look at a typical day in the life of the Kens-master (as told by my iPhone) (this is the most pointless blog post in the history of blog posts).

6:00 - My first alarm starts ringalinging in my earballs along with the text "You won't be able to [work out] later!!!!"
6:00:02 - I hit snooze and silently bitch at myself for using all those exclamation points (my journalism professor told me you only get a limited supply and when you use the last one, you die).
6:08 - Snooze.
6:15 - Second alarm goes off with the text, "Last chance, fatty!!!!" to which I hit snooze and create more barely formed expletives in my foggy brain, something along the lines of, "whatevsies, I'm not even fat.. YOU'RE fat."
6:08 - Snooze.. snooze.. snooze..
6:30 - DOG FOOD.. what?
7:00 - IT'S 7?!??!? Guess I'm not showering.

7:20 - Start coffee pot.
7:25 - Take Ziggy out and get angry when she takes more than two minutes to poop.
7:28 - Realize there's no creamer and say eff the coffee while simultaneously forgetting my leftovers that I already put into tupperware so I won't spend money on lunch.
7:35 - Unlock my car and shake my head in disbelief that my headlight is still out.
7:40 - Jam out to some tunes on the radio while realizing the huge line of cars that isn't there when I leave at exactly 7:30am is in fact going to make me late.
7:50 - Stopped at a stoplight for 5 million years, so naturally I get my texting on.
7:51 - OMG! New Snapchats! Awww, the light's green already?
7:58 - Another red light. SNAPCHAT: Bahaha Brooke, Sarah AND Shannon didn't wash their hairs today either.

8:03 - Time to collect beverages for the day: Liter water bottle, coffee, hot tea.
8:10 - 11:59 Write, pee, read, pee, drink water, pee, write, pee, drink more, read, pee.
12:00 - Walk across the street for food since I forgot to bring lunch
12:10 - Go to Safeway so I can save money.

12:11 - Stop in Safeway bathroom to pee again and find a grape on top of the toilet paper.
12: 20 - Check out with hair product, deodorant, food and more water -- because that's what I need to spend money on. Hair products and more water.
12:25 - Avoid eye contact with all the people walking in the store by sticking my face in this book.
12:28 - I think I'll Snapchat all the things to all the people. They'll like that.
12:48 - I've got 10 minutes and I'm cold, how about I go spend more money I don't have on crazy expensive Starbucks coffee? Great idea.
12:50 - Watch dude awkwardly try to order Frappuccinos, "but like, can you add more coffee?" "I don't know what kind my friend will want..."
12:55 - "...What kind do you like?" "I'm just not sure, I don't think he likes stuff that's too sweet." "Wait, what is a Frappuccino?"
12:57 - I order a soy peppermint mocha latte. Because I'm a grownup.
1:05 - Receive said latte and sprint back across the street while almost getting hit by 12 different vehicles while taking a terrible photo of it.
1:10 - Time for more beverages!
1: 15 - 4:30 - Pee, write, drink, pee, read, pee, drink, write, pee, read, drink, pee, paint nails, pee..
4:31 - Snapchat photo to my sister saying, "WHY ISN'T IT FIVE?"
4:32 - Receive Snapchat from my sister saying, "IT'S SEVEN HERE, BIATCH!"
5:00 - FREEDOM
5:01 - 5:30 - Snapchat videos of me dancing to the radio and whining about how bad I have to pee while stuck in traffic.
5:35 - Take Ziggy out.
5:45 - Roll around with her on the ground.
6:00 - Eat all the leftovers I should've eaten for lunch.
6:30 - Think about blogging.
6:35 - Naaaaaaah.

7:30 - Get my work out on (Blogilates & Brooke's Circuit).
8:00 - Decide to actually blog about my day for the day.
8:40 on - I can't predict the future, my friends, but I know there will be a shower involved and I'm hoping there will also be some Fireball whisky. I'll let you know on Monday.

Happy weekending!

PS: The only other work out I did this week is this: Blogilates Cardio & Legs/Thighs, but that was Tuesday and I'm still sore from it.

PPS: Linking up with Whitty pants.


  1. I hate alarms; that is one thing I love about working second shift! Although it doesn't really help with the working out on time thing, though lol. I have the same problem - there's never traffic unless you leave 5 minutes late :/.

  2. Oh how the other half lives - this was actually pretty interesting! It's nice to see how not every single bloggers life is as glam as we assume :) x

  3. Love the play by play, so many waters and pottys! What's your Snapchat name? Mine's JumpingJE

  4. Worst blog post ever, or BEST?
    I go with the latter :)
    Britt @ One&20

  5. Haha I LOVE this post! It's great!

  6. Hahahaha! I LOVE this post! Makes me feel better about hitting snooze a thousand times. :/

  7. all of this makes me so happy! mainly the dirty hairsnap chats. and the fact that i can never walk out of the grocery store without stopping by the hair/makeup/shit i don't need isle.


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