I decided to make eggs benedict paleo-style because I thought we had Canadian bacon. We didn't. But we did have one portobello mushroom and one tomato, so I improvised.. like, a lot. The good news is I finally made hollandaise sauce the right way! I have attempted this feat before and was very much defeated. And of course now I cannot find the actual website that enlightened me, but it was similar to this. (Actually, I think it was this one, although his looks nothing like mine.) Basically I melted the "butter" (I used Earth Balance, which is not technically Paleo, but clarified butter is. It's also more expensive and I was out. Improvisation, folks) and melted it in the microwave. Meanwhile I whisked together two egg yolks and lemon juice in the plastic bowl shown above. I then heated water on the stove until it was bubbly and whisked the yolks over the heated water--slowly adding the melted butter. I continued this process for about five minutes when it was thickened (and holding the bowl does become very hot.. I wore a bass-shaped oven mitt, because I'm classy like that).
I also, sort of, learned how to poach eggs. This actually was my first attempt at poachifying some juevos, but despite the yellow peeking out up there, I think I did a pretty good job. First I brought a pot of water to a slight boil while soaking one egg at a time in white vinegar (for a couple minutes, apparently this helps the eggs stick together, kind of like not eating 12 hotdogs before going on a rollercoaster, or popping Pepto bismol after eating cheesecake..), then I created a whirlpool in the pot by stirring it clockwise rapidly and then letting the egg slide into the eye of the storm. After two minutes of watching the little ghostly wisps float around the pot, I scooped it out with a slotted spoon and put it aside.
I then layered an oiled-up-and-heated-over-the-stove portobello mushroom cap with slice turkey (improvising, remember? No Canadian bacon to be found) and the poached egg, salt and pepper.
Next came the hollandaise sauce, green onions and an attempt at doing all this again with half of a small tomato.
It actually tasted incredible. I was very