If you're one of the 5,469,354 people I know getting engaged this summer, perhaps you're considering having your bachelorette party next year. Around the Fourth of July perhaps? Or maybe you're a patriotic gal who just likes making your babelicious friends wear matching clothes. Either way, here are some ideas for you to work with.
Step one: Buy a shit load of red, white and blue fake flowers from Michael's and spend a week straight wiring them together to create America-themed flower crowns for your crew. Your friends will love you even more when they see the gnarly calluses you've collected on your thumbs for them.
Step two: Order skimpy matching red one pieces that say something along the lines of, "BAE WATCH." Even if the white one for the bride doesn't come in on time, they make for great photos.
Step three: Bring lots of patriotic decor from the dollar bin at Target to create a photo back drop.
Bonus step four: Collect friends with big booties and show off the bride's veiled flower crown in an obligatory butt shot.
Step five: Stay at an Airbnb that has plenty of greenery and a hammock in the backyard for optimal mimosa drinking and picture taking.
Step six: Order custom shirts and cups that say "Let's Get Star Spangled Hammered" and your custom hashtag, in our case #SalterPalooza
Step seven: Never, ever run out of champagne.
Step eight: Be obnoxiously loud everywhere you go - you are required to be a "woo girl" on an occasion like this.
Step nine: Take a bajillion photos.
Step ten: Bring penis straws to a fancy brunch place where they serve bottomless mimosas.
Step eleven: Try unsuccessfully to pry the smile off your face after spending three days with your favorite humans in the world.Step twelve: AMERICA!