Confessions | One To Nothin'

Confessions

This is what laughing at your own stupidity looks like.

In LA I got snippy with a cab driver after drinking too much whiskey and called him "bro" in the least flattering connotation because he thought my drunk texting was me lighting up a cigarette.

Every time I play the game Never Have I Ever, "I've never smoked a cigarette" is my go-to move. Gets 'em every time. (I really haven't, nor will I ever).

Instagram is like social media crack to me. I should maybe wean myself off, but WHAT IF I MISS A BEAUTIFUL PHOTO OF ICE CREAM OR A STARBUCKS CUP? It's too much. I just can't even.

Despite my strong compulsion to have my photo taken in front of all the things, I hate asking randoms to take one for me. Stranger anxiety FTW.

I've been playing around with the idea of writing a novel for quite a while now but I haven't written a single word of it. Pretty sure by the time I actually write it, it will be much like Nick Miller's zombie novel with a no-word word search in the middle of it. Who wants to pre-order a copy?

Every time I work out, I feel so accomplished that I convince myself that it's okay to not do it again for a week (or two). I'm still feeling a little smug about the fact that I went running twice while visiting Florida. That was two weeks ago. I haven't gone running since.

I essentially stopped plucking my eyebrows all together. I did this to make up for the fact that I pull them out with my fingers when I'm bored/stressed/especially greasy. I think the thicker brows are contributing to my chronic baby face.

I can't remember the last time my sausage pup had a bath. I keep thinking about how I should do that but then I don't.

That last statement also applies to my car, inside and out.

I have two unpacked suitcases in the middle of my floor and the thought of unpacking them is just far too overwhelming.

While attempting to board my flight home on Monday, I completely tripped over some dude's carry-on. It was not graceful. Then I almost did it again on someone else's rolly number and laughed uncontrollably by myself for about five minutes.

Linking up here.

13 comments:

  1. too many times have i gotten drunk and been kind of bitchy to a cabby... oh well.

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  2. okay for one, im in the same boat as the novel thing. i have like two sentences written out. and a very vague description of an idea. and every time i sit down to try and write i too feel like nick miller!!!!!

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  3. oh and there was no for two. so.. i don't know why i said for one..

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  4. I would read your Nick Miller novel. I would also be the one to trip on someone's bag. I ran into a wall the other day while sending snap chats. I know what struggle looks and feels like.

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  5. i have to unpack as soon as i get home from a trip otherwise that suitcase and everything in there will sit in my closet for months on end!

    thanks for linking up!

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  6. Consider this comment my Pre-order.

    I do the same with my Betta's tank- poor guy didn't have a cleaning for a month and I used to do it once a week.

    Hey "bro" chill, it's just my cell phone!

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  7. HAH the Nick Miller zombie novel reference actually had me laughing out loud at my desk. My officemate thanks you for that one ;) Oh and thanks for reminding me I have to give my hedgehog and my car a bath

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  8. I'm pretty sure the sand in my car is from three summers ago so I totally understand.

    I need a new never have I ever...all my goes tos I have now done lol

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  9. Hahaha... that's how I am with the whole working out thing. I did the Shred like a week and a half ago and I was all "I'm so awesome" and then... nothin... slob city. And I also have a slight Instagram problemo:)

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  10. I've never smoked a cigarette either! I definitely don't plan on ever doing it.
    Also, I washed my car today.. only because I haven't in a few months and I can't stand when she is dirty. But I do really need to give my dogs a bath. They kind of stink.

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  11. I never thought of using the cigarette thing. Genius!!! I've never done it and have no desire to. Also, I so want to write a novel, but have 0 words written for it. Think it will write itself?

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  12. I have never smoked a cigarette either...and never will.

    I gave my dogs a bath this past weekend...first time in almost a month. Oopsy. I can write a song called smelly dog. haha.

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  13. I was totally guilty of the ice cream IG this week but can we please outlaw the Starbucks cups? They look the same everywhere. I know they have a pink sleeve now but COME ON! Instagram abuse is real...

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