Sean Kingston
"We can go to the tropics
Sip pina coladas
Shorty I could take you there"
Alright, I'm feelin you..
"Or we can go to the slums
Where killers get hung
Shorty I could take you there"
Wait, what?
WHY?! Where in your upbringing did your mama say, "Seanny boy, when you're courting a lady, always make sure there's a second, really, really terrible option. It's gentlemanly." Just no.
Bryan Adams
Sip pina coladas
Shorty I could take you there"
Alright, I'm feelin you..
"Or we can go to the slums
Where killers get hung
Shorty I could take you there"
Wait, what?
WHY?! Where in your upbringing did your mama say, "Seanny boy, when you're courting a lady, always make sure there's a second, really, really terrible option. It's gentlemanly." Just no.
Bryan Adams
First he's all..
"I heard ya might found somebody new
Well who is he baby?
Who is he and tell me what he means to you
I took it all for granted
But how was I to know – that you'd be letting go"
"Now it cuts like a knife"
Obviously..
"But it feels so right"
Wait..
"Yea it cuts like a knife
But it feels so right"
??
What exactly feels right about getting cut with a knife? Because I've been cut by a knife before and it sucks hard. Kind of like finding out your ex is dating someone new. No, nothing feels "so right" about this at all. Let's just go back to giggling about Summer of '69. heh heh.
Nicki Minaj
"Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, p-p-put yo' number twos in the air if you did it on 'em
Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, p-p-put yo' number twos in the air if you did it on 'em"
Only Nicki would write an entire song based on bowel movements. She is literally talking shit. Gross.
Shitted on 'em, man I just shitted on 'em
Shitted on 'em, p-p-put yo' number twos in the air if you did it on 'em"
Only Nicki would write an entire song based on bowel movements. She is literally talking shit. Gross.
The Police
"And when their eloquence escapes me
Their logic ties me up and rapes me
De do do do de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do de da da da
Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do de da da da
They're meaningless and all that's true"
Is he talking about BMs too? Why is all you want to say to me, "do do do da da da?" Have you regressed to an infantile stage of life? Because honestly I'd rather you say nothing to me than this gibberish. And of the big boy words he decides to use, 'rape' was one of them?! Seriously, Sting?
Get it together.
Black Eyed Peas
"T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty"
Yea. He spelled the word "tasty" TASTEY in a song. Note to Will: spellcheck words you plan to spell out in your songs. You should change your name to, "Will-I-is."
"T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty"
Yea. He spelled the word "tasty" TASTEY in a song. Note to Will: spellcheck words you plan to spell out in your songs. You should change your name to, "Will-I-is."
I just cracked the fuck up with all of this. I need to copy you. Because there is SO much more songs that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha!!! Ahhh these are all so terrible, you are so right!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, how do these become songs? Never in my life would I write these lyrics down and say 'yes, that's perfect'.
ReplyDeleteThis post is too funny! You are definitely right, though! Awful songs! I just found your blog as I was looking for other bloggers who might be interested in joining me in a project I'm starting that basically focuses on a life list and celebrates accomplishments (rather than the counting down the time until you die bucket list concept.) I'm looking for bloggers who might want to participate, and thought you seemed like the type. Here's a bit more info: http://embracingmessy.blogspot.com/p/alive.html
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Kelsey
Things that are awkward make me want to run away and hide. This post accomplished that. buhhhhhhhhhhh
ReplyDeleteHa ha! These are hilarious :D
ReplyDeleteyou mean you wouldn't want your date to be at the slums where people get hung?! what is wrong with you?!
ReplyDeleteI've always wondered about that taking a date to slums lyric! Sounds like a story from the dating disasters linkup!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious and so damn true! Thanks for making me laugh today :)
ReplyDeletex Natalie
How about:
ReplyDelete"to the windooooooooow
to the wall!!
till the sweat drips off my.."
Chris Rock what a legend. This post was hilarious.
Sx
sabaandthecity.blogspot.com
I remember when I bought Nicki's album and that song came on in the car with my mother, who happens to have the same sick and crude humor as I do (apple doesn't fall far from the tree).. as we were listening she looks at me and says, "Does this rapper want to shit on someone?"
ReplyDeleteBUT I LOVE BRYAN ADAMS - SO, SO, SO MUCH.
ReplyDeletelove me still?