You know those moments where you kind of lose yourself for a second? Not in the dramatic intro to T.Swift's "Trouble" video kind of way, but in a really great, "wow, this is what all those songs I've been obsessed with are about" kind of way.
I've always been the kind of person who just keeps going. I make the best of my situations and even when I end up in a funk, I don't actually recognize that I'm in one until I'm out of it. It's like when I'm running and I can feel that blister coming in, but I don't stop to see how bad it is. I'd rather just finish the race and deal with the pain and messiness of it afterward. This leaves my foot kind of numb in the meantime.
I think I was kind of numb before and I've been having these moments lately that make my fingers and toes get that pins and needles sensation.
I was on a boat, just sitting there with my feet up on the seat and my hair was in a braid but all the hair kept falling out of it. The baby hairs were completely dreaded and the straps of my dress kept falling down. The fresh water would spray in my face every time we hit another boat's wake and the sun had that not-too-hot afternoon shine to it. I was singing Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs, shredding my air guitar and my cheeks were fatigued because I couldn't stop smiling.
I was sitting on the dock shivering with my way-too-many-th fruity vodka drink in my hand, staring up at the stars. The kind of stars you can only see on a lake when there are no city lights around and you have no concept of how late it is. The kind you look at while feeling free to speak candidly because you're tipsy, talking to strangers and they're not going to judge.
I was running and it was about 8pm so the sun was going down. The air was cool, the sky was pink and the hills didn't look real. I ran past my workplace and, again, I couldn't stop smiling. My legs weren't tired and my lungs just wanted to sing even after going for seven miles. It was completely dark by the time I got back home and I wasn't scared.
I was going through the photos on my phone and realizing how quickly time is going by. I started to feel that ball of panic in my stomach but instead I kept scrolling. I took it in and let the tingles bring my limbs to life because this is it. It goes quickly when you're living it the way you want to, and a fast-paced, awesome run is always better than a slow, miserable one.